Long ago, I read an article in The
New York Rocker daring to
suggest that salvation could be found in the locations some of us
frequented in our desperation to find release in rock 'n roll. Could
a kind of saint, or perhaps even Jesus himself be discovered in these
dives?
I was
one of their patrons, moving back and forth in the strange dialectic
of its time from the conservative restrictions of a corporate
secretarial job to the weekend exhilaration of the thumping,
dissonant, arrogant insistence of what has since been condensed into
the word 'punk.' At first blush, there was only the largely
indifferent population of students from the nearby learning
institution, but the jukebox melody that was a favorite captured my
imagination, promising much more. I moved through this bar, and
eventually more, in an inevitable dreamlike state. Here was the
ignored underbelly of daily routine, both
the fear
and fantasy of what
might take its place. The music gave us certainty. If we were bold
enough, we devoured it; it made us all stalkers of the unknown.
In
the long history of the Church, desert monastics searched through
empty days, finding in this silent focus evidence of spiritual oases.
The redemption elaborated by saints was a withdrawal from the world,
a hermetic ism that promised security if only we could face away from
urgency.
In
the exact obverse, we went defenseless. In our determination, we
trampled what was expected in order to encounter life head on. The
surprises that ensued changed history, and is always the case, this
groundswell only reached public awareness after the initial
excitement had transformed itself into philosophical and artistic
statement. The discovery of
anyone living on this edge was the excitement of the edge itself in
all its excitement, and our desert was a romantic insistence on
crossing over its boundary. If one was in despair, one need only be
bold enough to take a final risk of living or dying.
Covered
in glitter and dog poo, we had our sadhus, those who had given up on
convention. What had become a self-conscious construction of
trendiness was eradicated by defiant guitar chords, insulting in
their spontaneity. In our intoxicated fandom, we crowded around
these stages, looking for the spark of redemption.