THE 'WE' QUESTION

At a meeting of the Rock Tavern Unitarian Society’s ‘Covenant Group’ the other night, one of the attendees was freely referring to ‘we’. I began asking a question and was promptly stopped since I was doing so out of order. At the end came a section referred to as ‘Wishes and Likes’, and said I would like it if people indicated whether or not they were partnered, especially if they used that controversial pronoun. As this was my first attendance at this group, I’d not coherently pulled my thoughts together, and was promptly descended upon. I’d also declared myself to be an ‘out bisexual woman’, and had also thrown that into the mix. Oh, I was told, I look at women all the time and my husband is OK with that. Oh, we have no problem declaring our sexual orientation. (I staunchly objected to that one.) One individual said she’d been married but was now single. “That helps,” I said. I don’t like the hierarchical structure of heterosexual society, or even partnered society, if that can be referred to. I’ve been single most of my life, have had to do everything for and by myself, including a not insignificant amount of suffering. I don’t like people slinging around the fact that they have the comforts of a relationship. It’s that simple.

THE THRUWAY STORE

What does it mean to get killed in war? Up in my neck of the woods, culture is much different than in The Megalopolis of New York City. Recently, I journeyed over to a local landmark, The Thruway Store, located in Walden, NY. My purpose was to bring over flyers, six of them, announcing the War Healing Circle being facilitated by the Rev. Chris Antal of the Rock Tavern Unitarian Society. Earlier last year, due to disturbances in my neighborhood, I’d gone to its sports department with the intention of purchasing a hand gun, discovering that it was something of a local watering hole, a convergence of hunters, sportsmen, veterans and others involved in the military. My first attendance at one of the Circles was an extraordinary experience. There were 8-10 of us in attendance: veterans, those active in the military but also including three of us from The Society. I was ambushed with tears remembering my antiwar activism of the ‘60s and took my turn speaking to that. An Episcopal priest was present who’d done much work with veterans. She told of a young man scarred by war. He’d relocated his family in order to make them safe from him, feeling his withdrawal and moodiness could only inflict damage. And she said she could sometimes see the firefight being played out in his eyes before they would once again fall numb and his attention would once again turn to a television screen. I myself have been involved in studying war, and WWII in particular, for about seven years. I don’t know why. Many possible reasons have presented themselves: I was a warrior in a previous life/lives (even though I’ve told I’d been a monastic); since I’ve felt so embattled with the world myself, it makes me feel less alone; but perhaps it’s primarily mesmerized by the cruelty of how we butcher one another, the unfortunate primary way we seem to make history. Or perhaps it’s because for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted it to come to an end. The first time Rev. Antal came over to counsel with me, he was astonished at my admission that I watched the Military Channel, and then even more astonished at my premise that if society in general, and women in particular, would understand firsthand the experience of being in battle, that there would be a radical shift in consciousness, taking us beyond the ease with which we seem to enter into conflict. Instead of sentimentalizing the returning warrior, we need to reflect deeply on the cutting short of life before it has even had an opportunity of flowering into meaning.